Think I'll wear this badass vintage tiebar in Texas :)
Dallas show tickets here.
Southwest tour RSVP and share with friends here |
Just finished a rehearsal tonight in my living room with my EXTRAORDINARY band. My upcoming Southwest tour is going to be OFF THE HOOK! Can't wait for everyone to hear the music!! |
This is how I managed to keep my socks clean while getting dressed for the gig in Seattle :)
It's this kind of inventiveness that keeps our society moving forward.
You're welcome, America.
The end. |
Picking up some performance tips for my upcoming tour from this rising young star. Love the "jailhouse rock" costuming, too.
He sets the entertainment bar very high, indeed. Enjoy :)
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I've just released my first full-length studio album in ten years. I produced it myself, which I enjoyed, but when you make an album this way, you have to be involved in EVERY single frickin' decision there is. You spend hours in a dark mixing room listening to the same music over and over again in hopes of making it as good as it can be. Sometimes it's hard to stay objective, especially when it comes to something as nebulous as music and the emotion it evokes. I learned that it's very important to take lots of breaks; to go away and come back with a fresh set of ears and perhaps a fresh perspective.
One day I was in the cave at The Racket Room recording studio with my friend and excellent engineer, Jim Monroe. I was tired and needed sustenance. So I took a break and snailed my way down the street to the friendly neighborhood Circle K convenience store in hopes of purchasing some nourishing food to help keep me going. As luck would have it, the good people at Circle K had a "meal combo" special running at the time.
I said to myself, "A meal? That's perfect! I'm hungry and need a meal!" So I happily purchased it and skipped my way back to the studio to enjoy.
A short time after eating it, however, I didn't feel so good. I doubled over and spent the rest of the day quivering in the fetal position in the corner of the control room. Jim thought it was just another one of my "artistic exercises" to try and channel some increased emotional connection between the music and myself. It was a good guess, as I've enacted this exact technique before, but this time it was different.
I hurled and felt better.
To this day, I still don't know what happened. I felt fine before my Circle K meal, and then I didn't. Hmmm. It's a mystery indeed.
Here's a photo of the Circle K meal combo promotion sign snapped by my other Racket Room engineer friend (and resident gumshoe), Martin Beal. If anyone has any idea what happened to me, I sure would like to know. When a guy can't enjoy a quality meal purchased from such a caring and responsible conglomerate like Circle K Stores, Inc. (a subsidiary of the Alimentation Couche-Tard Corporation), what more is there??
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Literally. Think about it, money gets passed around to a lot of dirty people.
Make sure you wash your hands after handling money! Oh, and also after riding the bus. Wow...that's probably even dirtier than money. So better move riding the bus to the top of the list of dirty things.
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| (By the way, I read somewhere that you're supposed to give a photo credit when you use someone else's artistic work. This image was graciously provided by a guy who took a picture of a roll of cash near a toilet. Thanks, Ansel Adams!) |
Sometimes when you're out on the road for a long time, you forget how much you take for granted when you're home. Clean pillowcases, for example.
When I was touring with Indigo Swing, I realized that whenever I wasn't using the primo pillow that I had packed for the long drives in the van, someone else in the band was using it. After traveling for hours and hours every day for weeks at a time, my pillowcase would get pretty grimy. God only knows how some other smelly bandmate was using it and for what reason. I found myself looking for a laundromat in every town we stopped in just to wash my pillowcase so I wouldn't feel so disgusting when I wanted to take a nap in the back of the van.
But then one day I was in a 7-11 store outside St. Louis and noticed the "Take a penny, leave a penny" bowl next to the register and got the idea to swap my used van pillowcase with a clean one from the hotel room I was staying in that night. I then did it every day after that (unless we were staying at a Days Inn Hotel, in which case I would hold onto the same pillowcase I already had until we arrived at a different hotel chain that actually adhered to recognized health ordinances).
Voila! A fresh, clean pillowcase nearly every day! Life was good.
When I explained my new system to one of my bandmates, he got very upset with me thinking I was stealing a new pillowcase from my hotel room every morning. When he learned that I was merely exchanging the pillowcases (like pennies at the 7-11 store), he called me a genius.
"A genius", he said. He never gave me a medal or anything like that though, that son-of-a-bitch.
The end. |
Today I escaped from a Winchester rifle safe. No idea how long I was in there, but it feels good to be out.
Is Milli Vanilli still making records? Man, they are good!
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My publicist advised me a few years ago that I should get used to the idea of walking the red carpet at Hollywood "premiers". Seems the rules have changed for a music artist who wants to promote a new release.
Gone are the days of record company advances to pay for product advertising or tour support. The name of the game now is to just be seen by the media. Anytime. Anywhere. Doing anything. Just keep your mug in front of the cameras at any cost! That's why you see so many photos of celebrities pumping their own gas. The celebrities themselves may not appreciate the invasion into their private lives, but I guarantee you that someone on their publicity team is elated that their client was noticed at all, because nowadays, that's what puts the money in the bank. (At least until the next day when a different "star" is photographed sneezing in their restaurant soup or taking out the garbage in their underwear.)
Frankly, "walking" a red carpet seems silly to me, unless it's a premier for something that you made yourself. Why would anyone want someone else to attend an event to walk a carpet to promote something that they had nothing to do with? Unless of course, they were personally invited by the producer. In that case, I would be there with bells on, because I never get invited to anything.
Which leads me to my story...
A few years ago I did a show in Hollywood to promote a Christmas EP that I made called Starlight. I planned to wear a newly acquired vintage suit for the show, but realized after trying on the pants that they were a little short. Because I don't live in Hollywood, I asked my friend Heidi Richman to recommend a tailor to adjust the cuffs for me. I needed someone good and fast. She directed me to a nice woman on Sunset Blvd. who said she could have it done for me in two days. Fantastic!
When I picked up the trousers, they fit so well that I decided to wear them back to the hotel. As I walked out of the tailor shop, I noticed a lot of activity outside of the building down the block that used to be the Hollywood Athletic Club (I played a lot of shows there back in the day). It looked to be a new nightclub now, and as luck would have it, a red carpet walk (complete with a paparazzi hoard) had been set up to photograph the beautiful people as they walked into the event. I thought to myself, "This is perfect! I'll just hang out here for a while and study what happens. After all, if I ever win a Grammy, I'll probably be required to do this someday."
About 10 minutes passed and because of the swarming paparazzi, I couldn't really see anyone walking the red carpet until they reached the very end of the strip; right before they arrived at the doorway of the club. Sadly though, I didn't recognize anyone. I guess they made the mistake of not being photographed enough while cleaning up their dog's poop in the park for me to remember them.
But then it happened...
There was a tremendous clamor and everyone started yelling to someone on the red carpet! Camera flashes began popping wildly; like a machine gun. *pap-pap* *pap* *pap-pap* *pap-pap-pap*. There was ENERGY and ELECTRICITY in the air! I mean, it was LOUD! I said to myself, "Wow! I wonder who it is? Must be someone HUGE. George Clooney? Bono? Madonna?" The paparazzi were going crazy! WHO WAS IT???
The tension mounted as I waited and waited for the captivating star to approach the end of the strip so I could finally see who had commanded so much attention. It was SO EXCITING! Finally, it was the moment of truth. No, it wasn't George Clooney, but it was someone just as good!
It was...it was...
PAULY SHORE! Star of the groundbreaking film Bio Dome!!
OH MY GOD!! I nearly fainted! I lost my breath and felt my knees buckle. I honestly didn't know if I was going to collapse. I lifted my head to God and mouthed a prayer of thanks that I had been fortunate enough to be there to witness such a powerful zenith of wonderment.
Then, unfortunately, I lost complete control of myself and urinated in my freshly tailored trousers.
***
Who says Hollywood dreams don't come true? I can't wait for my first big red carpet stroll. Maybe I'll meet Pauly Shore in person!! Or one of those orange kids on MTV that live on the beach. They're great, too :)
Good night, Pauly. Until then...
*kisses pillow*
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